OTTAWA — Hours after the European Union invited Canada to join on grounds of sufficient weakness, Canadian officials held a rival press conference declaring the EU strong enough to join Canada, then immediately walked the offer back when someone explained what winter is.

“We have reviewed European energy bills, agricultural subsidies, and the average wait for a general practitioner,” said Prime Minister Mark Carney, standing in front of a map of the Canadian Shield with a red circle around nowhere near Brussels. “Europe has demonstrated the grit required for associate membership in a country where the air hurts your face six months a year. We are prepared to welcome them — pending a brief clarification on snow.”

The clarification arrived within eleven minutes. A junior aide whispered that Europe’s idea of winter is a scarf day in Paris. Carney paused, consulted a laminated sheet titled “Temperatures That Cancel School in Ontario,” and announced that the invitation was “under active reconsideration.”

“Strong enough is not the same as cold enough,” said Foreign Affairs spokesperson Elise Marchand. “We do not question Europe’s moral fiber. We question its ability to plug in a block heater.”

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen called the Canadian counter-offer “flattering and also a paperwork nightmare,” noting that joining Canada would require learning Celsius all over again in the wrong direction and adopting a currency that Americans treat as a coupon.

Trade analysts pointed out that Canada and the EU already trade extensively, so the main effect of either membership would be additional flags at summits and a new committee to study the flags. “The strategic partnership already exists,” said economist Dr. Helen Park. “What they are negotiating is who gets to pretend the other one asked first.”

U.S. President Donald Trump dismissed both invitations, arguing that Canada was already scheduled to become America’s 51st state and that Europe would be lucky to become a theme park. “They’re fighting over who is weaker,” he posted. “I could settle this in five minutes with a golf cart and a border fence.”

Canadian officials stressed that their offer had never been about weakness. “We offered strength,” Marchand said. “Then we remembered the strength includes wind chill, and we withdrew like responsible adults.”

At press time, the EU was drafting a follow-up declaring Canada weak enough to rejoin the invitation, while Ottawa was preparing a statement that Europe remains strong enough to visit in July, tip decently, and leave before the first frost advisory.