WASHINGTON, DC — Congress announced this week it will take an immediate two-week recess to recover from the exhaustion of its previous recess, which members described as "surprisingly draining."

The recovery recess follows a three-week district work period during which lawmakers reported being "completely wiped out" by town halls, county fairs, and what one aide called "the grueling ordeal of being perceived by constituents."

"We came back more tired than when we left," said a House spokesperson, speaking from what appeared to be a hammock. "The American people need to understand: shaking hands is cardio. Listening is labor. We need time to heal."

Several members described the previous recess as deceptively taxing. "People think recess means rest," said one congressman, who requested anonymity because he was technically on a beach. "But you're cutting ribbons. You're eating funnel cake for the cameras. Do you know what funnel cake does to a person? Nothing good. Nothing good at all."

Leadership emphasized the recovery recess is not a vacation but a "strategic restoration period" necessary before Congress can resume its core function of preparing for the next recess. A memo circulated to staff outlined the schedule: week one for decompression, week two for "pre-recess conditioning," including light fundraising and gentle avoidance of difficult votes.

Critics called the move unprecedented, but historians disagreed. "Congress has taken breaks to recover from breaks before," said Dr. Elaine Voss, a political historian. "In 1987 they took a recess to recover from a particularly bruising session of doing nothing. This is tradition."

The Senate, meanwhile, announced it would spend the recovery recess "holding the House's calls," a duty Majority leadership described as "its own kind of work."

At press time, a bipartisan delegation had departed for a fact-finding trip to the Bahamas to study exhaustion firsthand. Their findings are expected sometime after the next recess.