SILICON VALLEY — A new industry study projects that by 2028 most customer-support chatbots will be replaced by pastors, citing better hold-music outcomes and a measurable drop in users who type in all caps.

"Customers do not want faster answers," said lead author Dr. Priya Nand. "They want someone who will listen while the ticket remains unresolved, then suggest a ritual that costs nothing and cannot be escalated to a manager."

Several language models have already begun answering billing questions with variations on "have you tried prayer and turning it off and on again," a hybrid protocol researchers called "faithful reboot." Early pilots showed shorter rage sessions and longer silences, which support dashboards recorded as success.

Pastors recruited for the trials reported mixed feelings. "I trained for funerals and weddings," said Rev. Alan Crowe of Palo Alto. "I did not train for people whose password is their dog's name plus 1. Still, the suffering is real."

Tech firms argued the shift was not religious so much as operational. "A pastor cannot grant a refund," said one unnamed VP of Experience. "That is a feature. It keeps the conversation pastoral."

Consumer advocates warned that replacing chatbots with clergy would create a shortage of clergy for actual clergy work, forcing churches to install chatbots, which would then also ask users to turn themselves off and on again.

At press time, several bots had begun ending chats with "Go in peace," which legal interpreted as closing the ticket without admitting liability.