STARBASE, TX—After years of delays, scrubbed launches, and what one staffer described as "a lot of very long talks in the parking lot," a rocket owned by an unnamed billionaire completed its first orbital insertion Monday. The launch ended a long stretch in which engineers repeatedly assured him that this happens to a lot of rockets.

"We told him it was completely normal, and that nobody was judging him," said propulsion lead Dana Kessler, adding that the team had kept a laminated pamphlet on hand for several years. "Sometimes there's pressure, sometimes there's a valve thing. It doesn't say anything about him as a man."

According to mission logs, the billionaire spent previous attempts insisting he had "never had this problem with any other rocket." At various points he blamed the launch pad, the weather, and "the way everybody was watching."

Sources confirmed that after the successful insertion, the billionaire leaned back in his chair, stared at the ceiling of mission control for several minutes, and asked the room whether it had been good for them too.

"It was good," said flight controller Marcus Obi. "It was genuinely impressive engineering. We would just prefer he stop asking."

Rival billionaires issued congratulatory statements within the hour. Industry analysts noted that each statement mentioned the length of the sender's own rocket in its first sentence.

"Every one of them said 'congratulations' and then gave us a number in feet," said aerospace analyst Priya Nandakumar. "Nobody asked for the number."

At press time, the billionaire had announced plans to return to orbit within the week and had asked engineers to confirm that the next one would last longer.